Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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