I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
