I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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