im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
