I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
