hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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