..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
