Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
