you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Sext me about skeletons
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
