and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
