I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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