broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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