so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
do nipples grow back?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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