So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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