what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
