one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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