what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
