I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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