hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
This is my gift to your gina
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
