Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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