2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
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suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
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I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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