i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just had sex on a roof
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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