i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
