Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
