Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
