saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize