ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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