cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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