What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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