I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
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Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
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Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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