were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
