I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just threw up on my dentist
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
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Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
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Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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