My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
