last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
