yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
