its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
