I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
