What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
how drunk are you?
Several
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
