we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
