I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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