So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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