Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I want to have your abortion
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
