Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
