i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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