i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
