I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Drunk is not a location!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
