if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
