So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
