dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
