More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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