The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
