Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
