Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So squirting runs in the family.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
