Fuck appropriateness.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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