I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Girls should come with a carfax report
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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