Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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