He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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