Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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