:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
