i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
