you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
