Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
