Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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