That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
