if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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