oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
