watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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