You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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