Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
