what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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