I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
