and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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