Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
