but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
