I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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