His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I deserve this hangover.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
