i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
