he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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