I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
