its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's never too late to be topless.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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