It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
